I cannot save the world
by EK
Summary: Oneshot. Katsushiro has to learn a hard lesson, even if it has to be forced on him. spoiler for the series ending


Hiya. This is a one-shot that needed to get out of my head, something I have to keep telling myself. Sorry it's short, but I hope you like it.

Spoiler for the end of the series.

………………………………

I had to stop and stand still for a moment. The ground was spinning under me, and I had to wait for it to stop spinning. I took a step forward, but the spinning started again, and I stood again, for as long as I had to. I had to keep moving, I had to, I had to…

"Katsushiro-kun, are you alright?"

It was Shichiroji-dono. I think he caught me before I fell forward. But I wanted no sympathy. I took his arm off me, and dusted myself. "Thank you, sir, I'm alright."

"Are you sure? I didn't see you eat lunch."

"Yes. I am fine. Sir."

"Suit yourself. But don't go fainting on me, you hear?"

"Yes, sir."

Even if the world was spinning, I kept walking, slowly, back to the village square. I sat down for a moment and waited for the spinning to stop. Then I stood up, walked to Rikichi's house, and asked what I could do to help.

I was tired, like everyone else, after that day. But I found it impossible to sleep, even to eat.

When I tried to sleep, I only saw the ruined ships and robots scattered on the ground, all around the village. The fire and the smoke, and the utter destruction. I saw them as clearly in the night as I did while I was fighting.

His screams filled my ears, over and over and over. I…want to eat…rice. I heard my screams back to him as well, over and over.

His shocked eyes haunted me. The only time I saw true emotion flaring from those deep, dark eyes, and I was the cause of those shocked eyes. The eyes I saw, before he fell, my bullets in his heart.

I tried to eat breakfast that morning, but the smiling face kept smiling at me, and the shocked eyes kept staring at me, from the other world. It was impossible to swallow anything. I gave it up, and went straight to work, cleaning up the village, just on a cup of tea.

If I kept doing something, I did not have to think about it. People needed me. Things needed to be done. The village houses needed to be fixed. The debris had to be cleared. The perimeter had to be checked for any remaining enemy soldiers. I would do it, even if I had to work alone. Even if I had to stay up all night. I would get it done.

So I helped the farmers haul out debris. I helped the others hammer nails into huts. I helped the women haul rice bales in for meals for the men. I asked Sensei for things to do, and he told me to inspect the cleanup at the outskirts of town, so I did that. Shichiroji-dono did not give me orders but I helped the other farmers do whatever it was they were doing for him.

I wanted to help everyone do everything. I hated having to leave one group of people, because Sensei made me do something else, or Rikichi-san asked for help near his house. I wanted to be everywhere. If I wasn't…if I wasn't…something may happen…something I did not want to happen. While I knew what was happening, while I was in control, while I was doing something I could control…nothing could happen that I did not want to happen.

I did not notice the hours pass by. I did not notice that everyone had stopped for lunch. I was checking the perimeters then. After that, I think I went to the well and hauled water to the priestess' house. Then…yes…I walked back to the square, Shichiroji-dono found me rather dizzy…as dizzy as I was getting right now, again. Then I went to Rikichi's house and did some more hammering. Then I checked on the defense systems again.

I was getting tired, being here and there. The ground was spinning under me again. But I was not going to admit that, to anyone…to anyone. Besides, Kirara-dono still needed help with picking what survived of the vegetables, and Shino-san needed help with fencing out what was left of their property…

And I could not, should not, fall asleep, no matter how tired I was. Because if I fell asleep, the dreams would return. The screams. The explosions. They would all return…they would all return…they would all return…

"Katsushiro."

His voice was so unnaturally serious that I suddenly looked up. "Yes, sir?"

"You cannot save the world, Katsushiro."

I tossed my head. I was in no mood for lectures from old soldiers.

"Listen to me, Katsushiro. You are just one person. You cannot save the world."

All the pain in my head and heart, all the carnage I still saw around me, they made my blood boil against what he was telling me. I didn't want to sound as mad as I did, but it just came out that way. "I can try, can't I?"

Shichiroji-dono placed his metal hand on my shoulder. Then he took up my hand and placed it over the metal one. I felt how cold it was.

He smirked at me, sadly. "I got this because I tried to do just that. I still wasn't able to save the world."

I took my hand off his arm.

He took my sword off my hands. "Come, my young friend. Let's have dinner."

"I'm not hungry," I told him, but I felt my head spinning.

"I insist," he said, and placed a hand around my shoulders.

He led me back to the hut they let us have while we stayed there. He sat me down behind a plate of vegetables and a bowl of rice.

But I was painfully, terribly aware of the empty places around our dinner circle. The red trenchcoat, leaning on a post by himself. The pilot cap and goggles, bobbing up and down as he told stories of the war. The hulking mass of metal, letting out steam at a joke from our little girl. The green coat, taking out coins from behind the priestess' ear.

"Katsushiro-kun, remember what I told you?" the yellow-haired samurai still present, quietly asked.

"I cannot save the world," I replied with a sigh.

"It's good rice, Katsushiro-kun," Shichiroji-dono took a few bites and smiled at me. "Our gearhead would not want it going to waste."

"But….but…."

"Repeat what I told you."

"I cannot save the world."

"No one expects you to. Neither the dead nor the living expect it from you. Eat up, before YOU die."

"Yes, sir."

I took a deep breath, buried the chopsticks into the rice bowl, scoop up some rice. I closed my eyes, and swallowed.

I heard his voice in my head, his happy, chirpy voice, pounding away. "The best yet! I told you, guys, Kanna's rice is just perfect!"

And his murmuring voice, from far away, as he quietly but systematically took in small bites. "We know, Heihachi, we know."

I forced the rice down my throat, and forced myself, not to cry. Then I put down the rice bowl.

"Just one bite, Katsushiro-kun?" Shichiroji-dono patted me on the shoulder. "Finish the bowl."

"I can't, Shichiroji-dono, I can't…"

"Katsushiro. One more time. What did I tell you?"

I sniffed. "I…cannot….save the world."

"Now, eat, before it gets cold."

"Yes, sir."

This time, I did finish the rice bowl. Slowly, but surely. And I think I fell asleep soon after dinner, before I could help it, with his words running over and over in my head, fogging and blurring the horrible memories of the day before.

I cannot save the world. I cannot save the world.

I guess it will take me a while to really learn the lesson. But at least, I will try to learn it. I have to learn it. For the sake of the people who died, when I lived. For my own sake.

I cannot save the world.

But I can do what I can for it. A little something. Every day.

………………………..

Sorry if this thing was just a bit rambling. Thank you for reading it all the same. See ya around, when I finally get down to finishing Staff and Sword.


End file.
